Da Bones Quote Lists

It's on the metal thing under my crabs.
-- Lizzie

That would be weird, if your penis could eat...it would munch!
-- Brad

Is $5 for the dildo enough, guys?
-- Garen (the first thing he said upon walking through the door of the Low Brass Happy Hour)

What would be more awkward, buying lube and a cucumber, or buying Vagisil and a cucumber?
-- Brad

I would do me, too, if I was a bunny.
-- Barb

I can't really say that I give a large ass about plants...
--Sarah

Do you want my face or my body?
-- Lizzie

Sarah! Go back to the bathroom. It's warm...I mean...there's light.
-- Brad

Kathryn: What's the plural of ox?
Drunk Jeff: Oxen.
Kathryn: What's the plural of box?
Drunk Jeff: Boxen...uhh...I mean, boxes. Sezzz.
Lauren: What's the plural of goose?
Drunk Jeff: Gossen...no that's baby...no, that's goslings!

Nobody cares about table grapes, because they don't get you drunk.
-- Jeff

Wait...I'm like, six inches shorter, and had like, three times as much.
-- Jeff

Jeff: Lizzie, make out with me!
Lizzie: Uh, hold on...let me take my retainer out.

You can play with me if you want.
-- Sarah

THERE'S TOO MUCH NAKED IN HERE!
-- Katie Z.

Dan Gu: You are the best section leader... do you think I give a shit about my freshmen?
Lizzie: That's because your freshmen are shit!

Brad: I like sound of the British man's voice on my GPS.
Lizzie: Sarah, does Brad ask you to talk like a British man sometimes?
Sarah: Well, we tried the British woman, but she sounded weird.

No, drink Rock Band. It's better than Drunk Band, or whatever the fuck you're trying to get
me to play.
-- Drunk Lizzie

...Because light travels faster at night.
-- Dan Gu

I wouldn't say she eats it, but she definitely likes her biscuit.
-- Brad

Were you raped by Zeus?
-- Max Ruby

Tom Tone: It's like the Little Shop of Horrors in her vagina.
Christine: Oh, I was in that show!

Uh, there's a size problem here.
-- Alex

I don't have to wash my penis...usually.
-- Brad

Is there something wrong with mankind getting hit?
-- Josh

Lizzie: It feels like being whipped.
Jared: *smack* Ooooooh! (after being hit with an oversized pixie stick)

You buttholes!
-- Dan Gu

Would you mind if I touch your pussy?
-- Vicki, to Amanda

God is a total asshole. He killed everyone in the Bible.
-- Dennis

Dubai? That's a pretty tits place to live.
-- Max Ruby

Vicki: I have baby oil!
Jeff: Why?
Vicki: Because it's free!

Female equals minus dick.
-- Drunk Stache

Lauren equals everyone but Dan Gu.
-- Drunk Stache

No one will remember because they're all in E major.
-- Drunk Lizzie

It's like a third world country!
-- Wyatt Honse, President of CUWinds, on New Haus

Vicki, how do I go pee?
-- Sherman, in a skirt

Jen Davis: Hey, Scottish Mike is here!
Kathryn: OH SHIT! *bolts for the back door*

I really need a sturdy semen-catching diaper.
-- Jared

When Ducky introduces himself, it confuses the balls off me.
-- Lauren

Kevin Kho, while reading the quote "Is $5 for the dildo enough?": Ha, $5 foot long.

It's harder for girls to aim, but more impressive when they do.
-- Dennis

Kathryn: Botrytis rot on grapes is usually bad, but can actually make a wine taste great.
Jeff: So, do crabs do the same thing to vaginas?

Kathryn: You know you'd go gay for Roger.
Jeff: I already have!

Lauren: I'll give you a hint, it's in New York...
Sherman: Oh, BU!

Kathryn: Tyler, how did you get so drunk?
Tyler: I had Brad and vodka!

I've missed how he smells!
-- Alex, as she proceeds to sniff Michael

Lauren: So she basically witnessed crouching ass, hidden dick.
Kathryn: Ha, it's funny, 'cause I'm Asian.

If you get a full one, you should give me your cream.
-- Lizzie

Vicki's gonna be naked in like, 5 minutes. (Looks at Chloe, then slaps bag o' wine).
-- Torey Weiss

I love nuts. They're tasty.
-- Cameron Glass

Kathryn: That looked like you were wacking off.
Kegger: I was!

My only concern is that there are a lot of yellow people in Africa.
-- Cameron Glass, during an epic game of Risk

*Kathryn falls on the floor with butt up in the air*
Lauren, to Cameron: Look, she's presenting!

Hump him up the ass!
-- Kegger, during an epic game of Risk

Can you please get raped so we can have baby Barbs for Bonehouse mascots? Please?
-- Stache

Kathryn: We were playing Risk, but apparently it really is true; there are a lot of yellow
people in Africa.
Kadeem: Jaundice?

Do you guys think I have a brain tumor?
-- Ariel, after dropping his deep fryer and all his pots and pans at the end of the
Bone-Percussion Happy Hour

It all comes down to whether or not she swallows.
-- Brad

We have to maximize our fucking...Take the derivative of my sentence.
-- Wyatt, President of CUWinds

Sherman: Wyatt, stop! You're fucking with our vibe!
Wyatt: I'm gonna fuck your vibe if you don't shut your fucking mouth.

Kathryn: So, you gonna come to rehearsal tomorrow, when I'm gonna flash?
ShardZ (really upset tone): Oh shoot, I can't make it tomorrow!

Kathryn: I need to go call my mom.
ShardZ: That's what she said. I mean, I need to go call your mom also. That's the one I was
looking for. BA-ZING!

I really like Cox in the Box.
-- ShardZ, referring to the Colgate hockey player going to the penalty box.

Lauren: Eating is for pussies.
Vicki: What you mean is pussies are for eating.

Chocolate syrup would be so much better!
-- Lizzie, saying what would taste better than cum

Hey look, it's Sebastian! He's like a Jamaican person...that means, you're a crab!
-- Lauren, to Neil TUBA

I can't say hoagie without salivating.
-- Roger

(to Christine) You and Alanna should have a contest and go at it.
-- Kathryn, in reference to belching